So I have friends again.

for a while? I lost all my friends. It felt like it anyways.

Kate's gone. she's going to some boarding school in Austin. she doesn't talk to me anymore. I've given up on trying to spend time together. She doesn't seem to want it, and that's okay, you know?

Sam's even more gone than Kate. Long story. He doesn't want to be friends or talk anymore, and again... it's okay, you know?

Lauren and I drifted way apart. i get the flickering feeling that she can't stand me sometimes. I struggle with whether to avoid her or see if she's in a good mood.. I miss her.

Kathleen and I drifted way apart for a little while. we're as close as ever during those few moments we spend solitary time together. (oxymoron?)  but when we're not hanging out, I feel like we're really distant. That chasm is steadily closing again, though.. I think I'm jealous of her new-found, inseperable friendship with Kayci. I'm such a jerk.

Ben's kinda disappeared. Maybe I know why. Maybe I'm wrong.

All the people I considered my friends at school are fickle. Friends? not friends? I don't talk about them behind their backs.. I don't talk about anyone behind their backs. I make it a point not to. So, I guess that's why it leaves me feeling incredulous that anyone would do that to another person, nontheless, that they would do that to me.


But "life is a rollercoaster." we've all heard it, and we've all experienced it, some to a lesser degree than others. when life goes down, it will go back up.

And, alas, it has happened to me. Life and emotions shifted down, not quite a corkscrew-spiral, just kindof a dip, I guess, but enough to leave me in a mild depression. The good news about this one is that I wanted more than anything to get out of it, so I started trying.

I stopped focusing on meeting new people, and began focusing on learning who I'd like to learn more about and develope a potential friendship with out of the people I know.

Cami Hartness. I rediscovered Brandon Watkins. I'm becoming friends with a girl named Jenna. Kathleen and I are growing closer again.

And basically? Life is looking pretty good right now.

And it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
when you're happy to be alive

 P.S. I didn't put Jordan in here, b/c she's still my REALLY good friend, but our schedules are so different we rarely hang out. BUT I STILL LOVE YOU TO DEATH!